A Gift of Hope Adoptions

Some thoughts from Executive Director Dewey Crepeau, an experienced adoption attorney, on recent news about the arrest of an adoption scammer.

A recent news article about the arrest of accused Indiana adoption scammer, Amber Jackson, is another reminder that all of the normal difficulties and troubles that one may experience in adopting can be compounded by the deliberate efforts of others.I guess in a fallen world we should not be surprised that any human endeavor, including something as beautiful as adoption, can be the subject of deliberate sabotage.

In the above listed news article, a woman is charged with multiple felony counts related to adoption scamming. Adoption scamming usually involves a woman who accepts money from someone with the intention of never placing a child. While this does not happen that often, it does occur often enough that experienced adoption agencies are usually wondering, at least initially, if they are dealing with a scammer or not. People who are new to adoption will occasionally ask me to discuss adoption alternatives with them. One of the definite advantages of going with an experienced adoption agency is that we are more attuned to scammers than an individual who is attempting to adopt on their own (especially for the first time) can ever be. The prevalence of scammers in today's society is one reason why our agency has chosen not to put our families’ profiles on an Internet site that is publicly accessible.

While most scams involve money, occasionally we hear of women who obtain some type of psychological satisfaction from scamming adoptive couples without asking for any money. They usually end the scam by claiming that they have had a miscarriage.

Prosecution of adoption scammers is relatively rare. Often the woman is really pregnant but has no intention of placing. However, that is difficult to prove as she can always claim that she simply changed her mind. If that is the case, and she only worked with one adoptive couple, most prosecutors are unwilling to devote the resources necessary to prosecute the case. In the above case, there were ideal factors that lead to prosecution. First, she was never actually pregnant and falsified medical records. That alone would probably be enough to lead a prosecutor to file charges if enough money had been scammed. Other additional factors in the above story was that the birth mother worked with more than one couple or agency which clearly shows an intent that she wasn't going to place with at least someone that she accepted money from as part of an adoption plan.

The best way to protect yourself from being scammed is to work with an agency. While some scammers are blatant and crude in their methods, some are very subtle and patient and content to get a little money at a time. It can sometimes be a judgment call even for an experienced agency to decide whether to work with some birthmothers who may appear to be possible scammers, and while we typically catch most before a match is made, sometimes scammers can fool even experienced professionals. The only good news is that it may be possible that if you do lose money you can attempt to reimburse yourself through the federal adoption tax credit. However, that is little consolation for your psychological and emotional damage that is left in the wake of an adoption scammer. If a prosecutor is willing to file charges, he must have a victim that is willing to come forward. While you cannot erase the pain of what happened to you, you may be able to protect others if you are willing to cooperate with the police and the prosecuting attorney.

One final word on scamming, it does occasionally go the other way. We have heard rumors of a couple who seem to delight in making themselves available as adoptive parents in difficult cases only to pull out later on leaving birth parents and the child in a very difficult situation. The bottom line is that there are those who would take advantage of anyone in a vulnerable situation, and it pays to protect yourself by seeking the advice of professionals who have less emotional investment than you do, and who may be able to save you both time and emotional distress.

Happy New Year from your friendly staff at A Gift of Hope Adoptions! I'm putting a link below to the IRS website that gives you information about the adoption tax credit for you fortunate families who completed an adoption last year. I cannot stress enough that you need to check with your accountant to look up additional possible helpful financial information about adoption expenses. Many states have additional tax credits for children who qualify as "special needs" according to the federal Title IV-E definition, and there may be additional help provided by your state that only a local accountant would be aware of or could find out about. You also may be able to claim expenses from an adoption failure, so ask about that as well.

Also, I realize many of you are disappointed that you had an adoption failure last year, or that you were not chosen by birth parents to adopt their child. Hopefully 2010 will be your year, however keep in mind that you cannot "resolve" to adopt a child in any given year. Just like giving birth biologically, adoption is a process and involves a measure of risk and embracing of the unknown. In fact, parenting in general involves risk, expense, and the unknown. No one can predict what direction your journey will take, but we will join you in hoping for your eventual success and will work with you as best we can towards that success. Remember, we want to place children in good homes, but most of the time it is the birth moms who choose, not us. So while we understand your frustration, try not to take it out on your social worker, lawyer and agency staff, okay? 

http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html

Many adoptive parents choose international adoption because it is perceived to be more "stable." By stability, I'm referring to the fear that a child will be removed from their home months or years after the initial placement. In fact, nearly every adoptive parent who calls for information voices this fear. In reality, this is extraordinarily rare. For example, Dewey Crepeau, the Executive Director and adoption attorney for over 25 years has never seen it happen in his practice, nor does he personally know of anyone who has had that happen to them – attorney or adoptive parent. When this does happen, it is typically due to some fraud that is discovered almost immediately after the placement, and it can be dragged out in court only if the adoptive parents choose to fight it. In reality, one disadvantage to domestic adoption is the possibility of the birth mother changing her mind some time during the pregnancy or when she has to sign the papers after the birth. This can be especially hard if the adoptive parents have already had the child for a few days waiting for that signature. Adoptive parents need to decide how comfortable they are with taking the child prior to the signatures being obtained, as they can request temporary foster care (or cradle care, as it is sometimes called). However, it is important to recognize that there can be a change of heart in international adoptions as well. In international adoption it is not the birth parents who may change their mind, but the country itself. For instance, Vietnam has now closed for international adoption for United States families as of September 1 this year. So people who had been in the process of a Vietnam adoption now face the prospect of losing thousands of dollars and starting all over again. (See this story) This can be quite devastating particularly if you already have a referral for a particular child, which often includes letters and photos of the child, that you will now no longer be adopting. So it is important to understand that adoption is always risky, and international adoption can be just as risky as domestic. As adoptive parents, you need to decide what risk you are more comfortable taking.  

Another type of grief that adoptive parents may face is the failure of a match. This occurs when an adoptive family and a birth parent have agreed to proceed with an adoption plan, but for one reason or another the adoption does not take place. The birth mother may change her mind either before or after the delivery, or occasionally an adoptive family will choose not to continue for personal reasons or sometimes because of a health issue that develops with the baby that was unforseen. This can be compared to a miscarriage of a biological baby, in a way. There was a baby that was coming, but for whatever reason it's not anymore. This can be just as devastating as a miscarriage, particularly if it's "late term," or happens right before or after the baby is born. It is important to recognize and affirm this grief, and to deal with it as you would other types of grief. Some adoptive parents need to take some time before moving on to the next possible match. Others want to jump right back in. Whichever way you handle grief, you must take the time necessary to properly grieve the child you lost, because even though we adoption professionals tell you not to get attached until the parental rights are terminated, this is next to impossible to do. Emotionally and possibly financially you were preparing to bring home that baby, and when you find out that's not going to happen it is certainly a loss. Be sure to give yourself time to heal from that.  

Well I have good news and bad news about the story that I blogged about earlier this week. The good news is that that little girl found a home; the more frustrating news is that it was not with my family. While I'm thrilled that this girl has a forever family, I am frustrated because she already had one that she could have been home with a week earlier. I'm happy for her new family and wish them well. They got a beautiful baby and I hope they're very happy. However I'm still incensed that Illinois ICPC blocked the adoption with my family. I do not know what her new family is like; I'm sure they're wonderful. However I also know that my family would have been a wonderful family, and would have loved her immensely. For those of you concerned about the completely subjective nature that Illinois ICPC used to absolutely dismiss my family (they did not read their homestudy, for instance), I encourage you to write your state and US representatives, and have your agency or attorney check with your state's ICPC office to make sure this doesn't happen again. Some states do have laws about how many children can be placed in a home, and while I might disagree with those laws I understand that it is the job of the ICPC office to make sure that state laws are followed in adoption. However to my knowledge this was not the case this time. It was discrimination, pure and simple. If we allow ICPC offices to discriminate on family size (if there is no current state statute that outlines the limit already), what will they decide is not acceptable next? It may be you who is dealing with a failure for no good reason. As an adoption community we need to advocate for ourselves and our children. 

A while ago I did a series on ICPC and what to expect. Today's post is about a situation I certainly did not expect from ICPC. I apologize for the delay (I usualy post on Friday) but I was waiting to hear the outcome of this story and get permission to blog about it.

ICPC is typically only seen as an inconvenience, but a necessary one in order to ensure that no laws are broken. In this case I feel that ICPC has grossly overstepped it's bounds. Here's the story. One of our families is a very large family; they currently have thirteen children, some biological and some adopted. As they have children with special needs, they are more open than many other families. They were contacted by another agency that they have worked with previously about a child this agency was having difficulty placing. This baby girl, who is still now not even two weeks old, has the possibilty of developing a genetic disorder that is very frightening to many people. Our family was open to her, and as properly notified us about this placement. I got a call from the adoptive mom, who was livid, asking my opinion on the situation a few days later. It seems that the other agency called ICPC to ask a few questions and make sure they had everything done, and the ICPC worker heard "13 children" and just said No, I won't approve this. She did not read the homestudy, she did not seem to care that this child is difficult to place, and that this agency did not have any other adoptive resources for her. Calls to the director of ICPC of this state returned no results. If they do not relent, this agency will have no choice but to relinquish her into state custody. In my opinion, barring some state law that I don't know about, this is illegal, and abuse of power, plain and simple, not to mention discrimination against large families. A large family has several benefits in this instance, particularly as they are already familiar with raising special needs children, and would provide a large and loving support system for this beautiful little girl should she develop this disease. It is typically not the job of ICPC to approve homestudies, and as this family already has an approved homestudy, this worker should have simply answered the agency's questions and checked to make sure all documents were correct and available to her, and that no state law had been violated. The birthmother chose this family, and was thrilled to have such a family available to her. Now this little girl, who has already had multiple foster placements in her short life, will be turned over to state custody, when she could have had a large, loving family to fight over who gets to hold her this Christmas.