Hmmm, Maybe I Should Just Have One
Along with our usual end of year/beginning of year frantic phone calls about why someone didn’t get a baby for the holidays, we also get a lot of general inquiries about adoption and the process. One trend we are noticing is the number of families who do not have fertility problems but still want to adopt. There are a few times we hear that someone just doesn’t want to deal with the discomfort of pregnancy, and think adoption is easier. It’s not, trust me. Some want to do it for religious reasons, some to help reduce the global population, and some just say that it’s because there are so many needy kids out there. All of this is true. Many religions mandate care of widows and orphans, our population has just exceeded 7 billion last year, and there are a lot of abused and neglected kids who could use good parents.
So what’s the problem?
The problem is that the healthy infants are not the needy kids. As I’ve noted before, we have long waiting lists for those families – usually who have gone through very difficult infertility treatments – who want to adopt healthy infants. But we have to recruit families for those with special needs, older children, or large sibling groups.
Do I have a problem with people who choose adoption as their first choice to complete their family? No of course not, although you have to accept that some prospective birth mothers might. Everyone has a different path to parenthood and that’s fine. But don’t kid yourself by thinking that since you are adopting a healthy White girl that you are doing anyone a favor. Except of course yourself and hopefully your child. But I can also tell you that we have also seen a lot of additional frustration from families when they get rejected by a prospective birth mom because they are not infertile, or when they get flak from other adoptive families who have gone through a lot of invasive medical procedures only to get their hearts broken. Increasingly, they are saying what woman told us on the phone the other day after hearing the details about cost, wait times, and legalities of domestic infant adoption; “Oh, so maybe I should just have one then.”
We have several books exploring the religious call to adopt in our Bookstore – take a look at the "Motivations" section!