Open Adoptions: Reasons for Confidence
Filed under Adoption Procedures, Birth Parents, Open Adoption by Elizabeth Ehlen
Openness in adoption can be very scary to adoptive parents. The misconception of many adoptive parents is that the birth parent is somehow a threat to their parenthood. The concept of having a birth family at first seems like an awkward one, and adoptive parents often express a fear that somehow the birth mother will not allow them to be the "real" parents. However, most birth parents are not looking to fill a parental role.
Particularly when it comes to contact, a desire for contact or updates on the child does not usually indicate a desire to be the parent. Once she has entrusted the baby to you and has signed relinquishments and a period of time has elapsed (this differs by state), the surrender or relinquishment becomes irrevocable.
Remember, A Gift of Hope Adoptions, and any reputable agency or attorney, should ensure that both the birth mother and birth father's parental rights are legally terminated in the state where the child is born. That process differs state to state, but there is a process in each state to ensure proper termination. To give a birth mother letters and pictures simply serves to give her peace of mind and confidence about the home she has chosen for her child.
Try to put yourself in her shoes. She knows that she is not in a position to raise a child, and that adoptive parents who have been preparing diligently for parenthood will give her baby the life she would give if she could. By receiving pictures and updates of a laughing, bouncing, happy baby, she knows that she made the right decision, as difficult as it was. While her role may not be a parent, it can still be someone who loves this child deeply.
Remember, a child can never have too many people to love him or her. And as the baby grows in to a child and eventually into a young person, they will be able to appreciate and cherish knowing that their birth parents cared enough to not only make the hardest decision ever to give them the best life possible, but also know their birth parents cared enough to want to know that they were doing well with the life they were given.
